Thursday, April 26, 2012

Breaking up is hard to do.

Today was an interesting day. Back in the fall of 2011, I broke up with a friend who was at one time, my best friend. She wasn’t there for me when I needed her most and I couldn’t rely on her if a problem came about… when I dialed her number, I wasn’t ever sure if she had “time” for me that day or week. So I ended it. She is the “cool” girl who everyone dies to be friends with and I just saw her as my dear friend…a normal person. I didn’t idealize her and maybe that is where I went wrong. There are certain people in this world who were meant to be worshipped and perhaps she was one of them. I knew a side to her…the “real” person behind all the hype, makeup, hairspray and fake tan..and I became friends with that side. I thought she was a great person but I would never worship anyone…so I didn’t quite understand why people were desperate to be her friend.

I remember times when she really wasn’t there for me… like the time she called me and I was crying because of some drama with my mother and instead of talking to me about it or coming over to help…she told me she would call me back, hung up the phone…and I didn’t hear from her for weeks, possibly even a month. That sticks in my head.

She is the type of person who needs a ‘friend of the day’ She calls you or texts that she misses you so much- lets get together- we should have a girls night and then within 20 minutes of text messages or one phone call later, you won’t hear from her again until you get back on the ‘friend of the day’ roster. No girls nights, no getting together and she gets over the “omg I miss my bestie” REALLY quick. Then she will move on to another friend and another and another…but don’t worry, she will let you know when she has time to be your friend again.

Another time you will hear from her is when she started selling something…whether it be Scentsy or raffle tickets or nutritional supplements etc. Then she will be ALL gung-ho about talking to you and getting together…usually she gets “over” it before your first order even gets delivered.

The last chance was last fall when I started having a medical issue and I was scared shitless. I changed up doctors and had to get some normal start-up blood work and my thyroid levels came back low. I googled my little heart out because I was afraid of everything from thyroid cancer to some sort of random deadly thyroid disease…I asked her if she knew anything about thyroid problems (since we are both in the medical field) and she told me she was…her mom had hers removed and even asked if I wanted her to come to the appointment with me. I told her no because I knew getting my hopes up that she would actually show, was pointless….

It is April 26th, 2012…. I am still waiting for a text or phone call from her asking how I am doing.

I don’t care how busy you are or what you have going on in your life…if your friend needs you, dammit, you better be there! You don’t just sit around and wait for a status update if your friend has an issue whether it be medical, family, work related. You should ALWAYS be there.

About a month or two later, she texted The Officer and said she missed me and yada yada yada…he replied that “usually when a friend has a medical problem, you call and see how they are doing”  she told him that “if I wanted to throw away 5 years of friendship over that then fine.”

When he told me that, those words stung like a bitch. They still hurt to this day. It hurts to know that even when you know I am so hurt…you STILL don’t give  a shit. She blames me like I am the one throwing away a friendship for some random reason. Uh no, I am sticking up for myself for once and not accepting mediocre treatment from a mediocre friend. If you do NOT have time to be my friend day and night, then I will politely bow out and give you more time to spend with your other 6,097 best friends.

I just hurt knowing that even after 7 months of not talking, she still hasn’t reached out.

Then I struggle with maybe I should reach out, life is short, be nice to all and give endless chances….no, no, no, no!

Life is too short to spend on people who don’t treat you wonderfully and value you!!!!

Life is too short to spend on shittards!

I haven’t seen her since the fall…until yesterday.

By a turn of fate, she ended up in my front yard.

Some poor older gentleman passed out while driving and plowed down the dogwood tree in my front yard. I called 911 and helped him until the ambulance got him packaged up for transport. She was the paramedic and when I saw her walk up and I got a knot in my stomach. We avoided each other like the plague and when I finally got out of his car and back into my house, it hit me that she really, truly did not give a shit about our lost friendship, she didn’t care about me and probably went on about her day just like normal.

I,  myself, got nauseas, cried and unblocked her on facebook thinking she would message me or text, SOMETHING.

and 24 hours later…still nothing.

I have been trying to remind myself not to wish for the friendship I once had (when she was there for me and we had some of the best times) but be grateful for the friends I do have…that care about me and check up on me and LOVE me…

I had a friend who was like a bad boyfriend…you know you should break up and never look back but you keep going back for more…and now I am over it.

Sure it hurts and stings a little bit, but I am better off without her in my life. I can spend time and energy on the people who truly care about me and who are always there for me if and when I need them the most!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Bun Update and Negativity

Everyone has uttered the words, “I don’t want to jinx it.” at one point or another.

I have said or thought those words several times since I found out we are expecting BabyShines. Against all odds, I got pregnant and so far, so good. I had the IUD removed, no bleeding or crazy cramping…my hcG levels rose appropriately last week, they doubled in fact. I had an ultrasound done at 5 weeks which is really early but they had to check the placement of the IUD and make sure the pregnancy was not in the tube.

My doctor did not see anything in the gestational sac quite yet which he said was normal since the baby itself would only be the since of a poppy seed.


At 4 weeks, your baby, now known as a blastocyst, is practically microscopic -- a teeny ball of cells. She's busy settling into her new home (your uterus), prepping for all the crucial development she'll be doing over the next six weeks.

(courtesy of *the best pregnancy website EVER*

As of today, I am 6 weeks 3 days Smile


Obviously, she's growing like crazy!

She's also circulating blood with her increasingly more sophisticated circulatory system.

She's about to get cuter too, since she's starting to sprout a nose, eyes, ears, chin and cheeks.

And she might even be wiggling her (paddle-like) hands and feet.

again, courtesy of Smile

I have experienced every single “first trimester” symptom known…

nausea, vomiting, the nose of a hunting dog, dizziness, extremely tired, I pee about 45 times a day, sore boobies and the emotions of a hot mess pregnant woman.

But it is all worth it. To distract myself, I have been looking at baby gear ala Target, Babies R Us and Amazon. Some people say “isn’t it too early to get all excited?”

Well please allow me to put that on the


I don’t think I could ever possibly even consider asking someone that. It just implies that something horrible could go wrong…as if that thought never crossed her mind. It just brings it all back up and makes her worry even more. Not to sound selfish but when you come across a pregnant woman, make it your goal to make her life easier at that present time, make her feel important…make her feel like she is working on something incredible. Because she is.

Winking smile

Another thing that annoys me (please excuse my hormones but I don’t think I am being out of line here) is when someone tells me it is “too soon” for something…

On St. Patrick’s Day I was working and got a sudden craving for a Shamrock Shake *heaven*


(p.s. I just found the recipe online for those bad johnnies Winking smile)

anyways…so I was talking about it and one of my co-workers asked, “Isn’t it a little soon for all these cravings?” Ugh pretty sure pregnant = pregnant. And a ‘little bit’ pregnant means the same symptoms as ‘a lot a bit’ pregnant. Worst of all, it came out a woman’s mouth who has children of her own. Ugh people just don’t think!

Put that on the “THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO A PREGNANT WOMAN” list as well!

I just made me feel like I ‘wasn’t pregnant enough’ to having any cravings or symptoms or to even talk about it.

Crazy? Probably…but I do respect the fact that at least I am confirming what I will NEVER say to a pregnant woman I come across…I am learning about the person I don’t want to become I guess.

Be back for more soon!


Monday, March 12, 2012

Best Body Bootcamp: Week 2

Wow, has it really been a week already?

This Best Body Bootcamp is starting Week 2 this morning and I am psyched. Not only because the support also is amazing but because I have a whole new fitness outlook.

As I wrote before, I am newly expecting and will no longer be focusing on losing weight. Instead, I will focus on whole nutrition, healthy portions, lots of water and getting my body as healthy as possible for baby. Not only is that great for mom and baby, but it means mama will have an easier time getting into shape after delivery!

My BBC goals for the week are:

#1- Have at least one smoothie and one salad a day

#2- Reduce and eliminate diet soda from my diet

I could go ‘cold turkey’ but the caffeine headache alone will bug me enough to engage in my old habits.

Yesterday the weather was amazing so we went out for a walk to and through the local park. It was wonderful to get some cardio in and shake my legs out!!! I forgot how much I love the great outdoors (before the bugs come out!)

Then we loaded the kids up and went to the store for a few groceries. (pics and meals to follow, along with my first baby purchase!)

On today’s agenda:

*Call Dr!!



*Dream a little

Winking smile




How cute is that??!!

Be back later!!

<3 Morgan

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Excited and Scared

Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I have had a slew of emotions.

Fear that something will go wrong, especially so early on.

Excitement of a new little miracle will be joining our family.

Precautious not to let my heart develop a bond with the uncertainty.

Blessed because against the odds of getting pregnant using an IUD (.06% chance)…

We got pregnant.

Am I the silly, giddy one who was looking up baby gear from the first night I found out…


I found myself excited to look and then my head would catch up with me…

“Make sure everything is okay before you fall in the love with the idea of a new baby”

It is too late because I fell in love the very first night. I am worried, yes, how can I not be? When I first found out I was pregnant with my 6 year old twins <3 I was 20 years old, young and dumb…and basically unaware of what could go wrong. I wasn’t instantly attached to my pregnancy…it took awhile to kick in.

This time around is completely different. I am 27, mature, in a loving and wonderful relationship with the man who will one day be my hubby and I want nothing more than to have his baby, our baby <3

Planned or not, God makes the decisions…that is for sure Smile

I can’t waste time worrying about what I cannot control and until I go to the Dr.s, I won’t know anything for sure. For now, I hope and pray that everything goes great, the baby latched on to the right area, the IUD comes out without a problem and we have a healthy, new baby this November <3

Time to saving as much money as possible, pray as hard as possible and take care of myself the best I can <3

<3 Morgan



Saturday, March 10, 2012

Nerve-racking is…

Being worried that at this point in time…I might be pregnant.
True story.
My loving boyfriend is at the grocery store right now (9pm, he is wonderful) picking up a Clearblue.
I realized I was late while we were laying in bed. My lady-time has been all out of whack since having my kids and then getting my copper IUD in place last year. I checked my lady-calendar on my Kindle Fire (loveit) I figured if you by slight chance got pregnant with the IUD, you would automatically need an abortion since you have a piece of metal in what is supposed to be your embryo’s home. Well apparently if you Google “pregnant with paragard IUD” you find a bunch of other women who also got pregnant while using a very reliable birth control.
Better than anything (besides absintence, I know)
One million questions pop into my head as I sit here chugging water out of my Nalgene bottle…
Will the baby be okay if I actually am pregnant?
Could it be an ectopic pregnancy?
What will happen if they take the IUD out?
What will happen if they leave the IUD in?
My questions are not going to be answered today as of course it is the weekend and none of my doctors are open until Monday.

I have to leave it in God’s hands because I have faith that this will all be okay.
And because God always works in mysterious ways…
Yes x 2…
and praying for the best Smile
Shhhhhh….we are keeping this top-secret for now.
At least (if all works out okay) I can join the Elite group of pregnant blog-ettes
(as if I am even worthy of being in their same blogger status category)
Now that this is real, I hope and pray that it is true and healthy and there will be no complications…
“BabyShines” coming soon, November 12, 2012 <3

Thursday, March 8, 2012

BBF Personal Training Results: Week 1

Good Morning lovlies Smile

7 inches lost.

I have no idea where it went Winking smile 

I am so excited right now!!!

My weight didn’t go down (actually +3lbs) but I blame it on too much salt and processed foods…too much food basically.

There is nothing like great results to fire a girl up even more and kickstart Week 2 and it is great to read everyone’s nice, motivational comments and progress on the Best Body Bootcamp FB page.

Just a quick update because I was pumped Smile

I am off to clean mi casa before heading out for my FIRST WORKOUT OF WEEK 2!!!


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Day of Rest–BBC Day 3

Ahhh….a day of rest. Kind of.

I have to work at 2pm but until then I’ll be catching up on the blog world and my fellow bootcampers Smile 

Today is technically Day 3 for the Best Body Bootcamp but Day 7 for my personal training plan.

My first week went really, really well. I didn’t miss a single workout or a minute of cardio as per my plan. My eating however, has been sub-par to say the least!

I went grocery shopping for a few necessities…


I may or may not have enjoyed one of these bad boys on the way home Winking smile


Totally AMAZINGLY mouth-watering!


Some Soft Wraps (so fluffy and soft!) Pita Pockets and Spinach Dip.

I bought this on a whim in hopes to make a delish pita with spinach, provolone cheese and this spinach dip…


Silly me didn’t read the ingredients before I got home.


Sorry for the blurry pic and lack of being able to actually read anything of the ingredients but I know just from looking at the length that it has WAY too much crap in it!

Ugh, you win some, you lose some.


Can you tell I am super pumped for my upcoming anniversary gift from the Officer?


Dear Future Keurig Machine,

I cannot wait to use you Winking smile 

<3 me

I have until the end of April to get my present since our anniversary isn’t until April 23rd (2 years baby!!!!) so I have some time to wait…until then, I will just dream of chocolate coffee!

We do have a Keurig at work (which is where I fell in love with coffee, 12 hour shifts are sometimes exhausting!) so I can use them until I get my own machine.

Well, I’m off to finish up some laundry and get ready for work!

Have a wonderful day Smile


Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Today, I Planked

Good afternoon Smile 

I am so excited right now because I officially finished my first week of my training program provided by Tina from Best Body Fitness! Today was my cardio and core circuit day…the cardio was great, just a good treadmill walk for 30 minutes @ 3.2mph @ incline of 3-4 (spilt into 2, before and after core circuit). Simple yet effective and got me sweatin’! My core circuit went…well…so-so. Awesomely, I got my plank time up to 1 full minute!! The highest I have ever done a full, on elbows plank!!! I really pushed that full minute with the life of me which left little energy for the rest of the circuit. After fiddle-farting around (yes, it is a word! kind of) I decided to do:

Abdominal Machine @ 70lbs x 2 sets of 20

Torso Twist Machine @ 55lbs x 2 sets of 10 each side

Stability Ball Crunches with 6lb medicine ball @ my chest x 15

Then I got right back on that treadmill and completed my cardio…it was just one of those days I really, really wanted to shake my legs out and go through my magazine.

Tomorrow is my day of Rest...ahhhhh… I’m thinking some yoga has my name on it.

~Gym Stories~

I have actually been thinking off offering my cleaning/organizing services at my gym because it seems as though it is being neglected Sad smile 

No one vacuums behind the treadmills so there is a collection of dirt and rocks there and the machines haven’t been dusted in ages!! It could definitely use my touch!!

My gym is also a tanning salon, hair salon, day spa and nail salon too (!!) so I pondered maybe offering a little trade(ski-poo) and offer to clean the gym portion for free or even reduced services (besides tanning- totally AGAINST tanning…ladies, you look like crap when you over-tan!!! Plus I’m super scared for skin cancer which another famous blog-ette just had to deal with!!!)

*Please, please, please remember…Don’t be “that” girl on the Leg Press talking on your IPhone!!! OMG, dime-store hooker, PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY and GET OFF MY MACHINE!!! thanks, love morgan*



Now that I have an awesome training plan, I need to get control of what I put in my mouth (that’s what she said)

Clean eating to me is easy…it is avoiding the binge eating that is my vice.

I am not sure what will work best for me whether it be a set eating plan or writing down everything I eat… I know I am NOT a calorie tracker, I would rather die than try and track calories. I made a meal plan the other day for the entire week and I didn’t even follow a single day. I guess I am more of a “let’s keep a slew of healthy options and I’ll pick what I want, when I want it” kind of girl.

Wishing everybody luck with Day 2 of Best Body Bootcamp!!! The 24/7 support on the Facebook page is unbelievable!! It is truly awesome to see such an inspired group of women who want to change their lives for the better!! Kick some ass ladies!!

Be back with my running fears…and some pictures!!!




Monday, March 5, 2012

Back in Action: Bootcamp Style (Day 1)

Oh my my goodness…it has been too long since I wrote a blog post.

~College life

I am taking a break from my classes this semester and have actually pondered transferring to a larger university in the area that offers more courses…the two downsides are that it is 30 minutes away…and I don’t expect it to have that small college feel to it…like you know everyone…a little tight knit community.

…but who really knows what the future holds I guess.

~My Children

My children are growing like weeds and I love them more each day…I hope and pray everyday to be a better mom to them because they deserve nothing but the best life possible. I want to teach them to be kind, be nice to everyone and live and love like there is no tomorrow. If I want to teach them those lessons…then I definitely need to practice what I preach because there is no better teacher than a good example.

~My Love

My boyfriend never seems to let me forget how much he loves me…and he is truly amazing. He makes me feel beautiful and loved…even after gaining 60lbs since the day I met him, he has never once treated me any different or hinted at my weight gain. Isn’t it sad that someone would be surprised at someone not being mean to them. What world do we live in that people would do that to one another?

Everyday, I am more and more amazed at how wonderful my Officer is…I’m a lucky girl <3

~Health & Fitness

Something I am super pumped about is my decision to sign up for 24 weeks of online personal training with Tina from or

First of all…my first 4 week plan she sent over is AMAZING! I just finished Day 5 with some quality elliptical time and a strength training routine (Workout B) that rocked my face off! This girl has a true talent for fitness and I am totally sensing she will go FAR in her career as a personal trainer!!

Today was also Day 1 of her Best Body Bootcamp which I am participating in the prize option (!!!!) while doing my own personalized plan that Ms. Tina made for me :) She made a Best Body Bootcamp Facebook Page also that has already totally changed this program for me!! There are (so far) 196 members to support each other and spread positivity throughout this program and it is GREAT!!

With her Bootcamp, you make 2 mini-goals (each week or longer if you like) and check it off each day if you accomplish it…

Mine for this week are:

NO Binge Eating!!!

Drink my face off (H2O, no booze here, yo!)


My future goals for the next few weeks will be…

Eliminate diet soda

Have a smoothie & salad each day

10 minutes of yoga per day

Brown bag and cook all meals


Gotta go…I have dinner to make for my lovelies Smile



Sunday, January 29, 2012

Be a coward or make some changes?

I like to speak my mind

I am not afraid to go against the grain and do the ‘right’ thing.

I don’t care what the crowd is doing,

I like to do my own thing.

Biggest pet peeve?



I believe if someone is too scared that they will be disliked if they stand up for what they believe…or stick up for a person who is wronged in someway…

….they are cowardly.

Yes, I have said what I believe is true and gotten shunned and basically sh*t on. I was told to ‘stop causing drama and get along with people.’

I spend 160 hours out of my month surrounded by mistreatment, discrimination and hatred. People flat out hate each other. Their best friends are their worst enemies in disguise. I see good people break down and turn into different souls.

New people have a spark of excitement in their eyes…

which quickly fade into eyes of disgust and defeat.

They (actually we) are basically cattle. Herded to our ‘work station’ and told everything we do is wrong. One supervisor will tell you to go left…and the next one tells you to go right (and writes you up for going left)

We are told to be the “old” (fill in your name here) We are told to go back to being the nice person we were when we started.

We are told to act professional one second, right after that person gets done making a sexual joke that was the opposite of professional.

I could go out and look for another job but what holds me back is fear.

And plenty of it.

My ‘what ifs’ are holding me back. I refuse to take any responsibility for the ridiculousness of some people here…but it is my fault for staying and continuing to endure it.

But I shouldn’t have to leave to find a job where I am not mistreated! Why am I the one who has to leave??!!

Because no one else will speak up…if everyone keeps their grips and issues to themselves or their closest buddy here, nothing will ever change.

Next question….

Is it even WORTH changing?

I don’t plan on working here forever. It is not my career choice, just my current job until my next calling comes at me. I just feel as though I cannot wait for my calling to ‘come at me’. I love change and boy do I ever need it!

I am a good person. I speak the truth. I am as loyal as they come. I am a good listener. I am honest. I admit when I am wrong. I don’t stand down to anyone. I defend the defenseless and I have empathy, sympathy and compassion. And I still am working everyday to be an even better person than I was yesterday.

But here…I need to either dump them or join them because they bring out a baaaaaad side of me. The side I feel guilty for having but I think we all have a ‘darker’ side… Darth Vader did.

I like my good side much better. So do other people.

I know my life won’t change unless I put the effort in to change it so what the heck am I waiting for? If you don’t like the circumstances you are in at any given time, it is your God-given right to take control and decide what you want to do differently.

I have some soul-searching to do.


Thursday, January 26, 2012

Dream Chaser

After reading an awesome post by one of my favorite blog-ettes, I got a sudden inspiration to write about my dreams and aspirations. For myself, my list is ever-changing. Quite frankly, I have NO idea what I want to do when I grow up.

I have always loved writing. I definitely would love, love, love to devote more time to my blog…all I have to do is PUT THE EFFORT IN!!!

I love being a mama and I would love to have more children…but I don’t truly see myself as ever becoming a full-time, stay at home mom. As of right now (since I am not fully in love with my job) I would LOVE to stay home. I know for me, my career that I will one day totally love, will never feel like work. I would also love to have a job I can do from home (at least a part time job)

I love running. I have always wanted to be a runner. One mile, 5k, 10k, half-marathon and maybe one day a full marathon….I want to start and conquer each of those to prove to myself that I CAN DO ANYTHING!!! And honestly, what better way to train, get fit and stay motivated than the opportunity to get a medal?

I love taking care of people and I love the medical field. I wanted to become an E.M.T. ever since I was eight years old. I got my certification in 2004 and now I am a dispatcher for one of the busiest, biggest ambulance companies in the area. I love what I do there…I love helping people when there are lives on the line and I like having great customer service. Not to honk my own horn but I know I am damn good at what I do there too.

But it is not my calling. And I have hit the ‘glass ceiling’ and there is no chance of moving on up and advancing there. And I want MORE!

I started back at college in the spring of 2011 and have been working on my pre-requisites for Nursing School. For a long time, I believed nursing was my calling…and I still do. The only thing holding me back is the fact that during my first semester after taking Psychology and Human Development, I fell in love with both of them! Is it possible to get 4 degrees and not be 50 years old by the time I get them all?

Now, I have NO IDEA what I would do with a psych or human development degree… counseling? Life coaching? Assistance Program Director?

I love the idea of owning my own business…especially one that would help people. Whether it be a baby/toddler daycare or personal grocery shopping/errand runner, I love the idea of OWNING MY OWN COMPANY.

I love all things health and fitness too. Even though I am at my ‘before’ right now and I am not fit or healthy, I know I will get there very soon. Once I am there, I would love nothing more than to help other women with health coaching and training. I have contemplated getting my fitness training certification as well as possibly obtaining my Registered Dietician degree.

I would love to do a million things. I have a ton of interests and wannabe hobbies that I do not make time for. I want to be able to show my kids to follow their dreams and do what they love with PASSION.

Sometimes, I shy away from sharing all of my dreams and hobbies. I respect people who can just put it all out there!

I just need to kick myself in the a$$ and GET TO IT!!!





Monday, January 16, 2012

The Start of My Love Story

April 17th, 2010…

I hear from a good friend that she wants to set me up with her friend, The Officer.

April 18th, 2010…

I get a message on Facebook from the Officer. Followed by a friend request and whole bunch of text messages.

April 21st, 2010…

My first conversation with the Officer which lasted for over four hours. It was one of those conversations you have with your phone charger chaining you to the wall but you don’t mind because you are having a great time talking.

April 23rd, 2010…

I worked, got my hair trimmed and blown out, put on my cute new outfit and took a chance with a blind date.

I greeted him with a nervous hug when he walked up to my door…and he told me I was prettier in person than online and made my heart melt with excitement.

We had dinner at Olive Garden and literally shutdown the place. The tired waiters were vacuuming around our table and loudly clinking the glasses together as a modest “get the f*ck out of here you two!!!” hint.

We drove around until 1230am that night…he dropped me off at my car and sent me a smiley-faced winky text message before he even pulled out of my apartment complexes driveway.

April 25th, 2010…

He was bummed out because he had to give away his dog so I cheered him up with homemade cookies (I didn’t make them…but I guess he thought I did) and I started to realize I was falling for him.

April 26th, 2010…

We took our first official picture together and hung out on my couch watching dumb re-runs…being next to him felt comforting yet awkward since it was so new…I knew that night that I was in love with him and I have never felt so content with a new relationship before…I just felt that it was right.

April 30th, 2010…

He asked me to be his girlfriend.

May 1st, 2010…

He told me he loved me.


So that was the start to my love story. I took a chance on a blind date set up because it felt right and I had a ‘sign’ As cheesy as my ‘sign’ was, I believed in it and to this day, I wasn’t wrong about.

My friend called me while I was in my car on my way to another friend’s house to hang out. I told myself I wasn’t going to be set up again after being set up horribly two other times. On my way home, I couldn’t get my mind off this set up and I asked for a sign. A few minutes later, I rounded a curve in the road and came across two police cruisers with their lights swirling brightly in the night, pulled over on the side of the road. I was in the middle of nowhere with no other traffic but myself…when I saw those lights flashing, I decided that was my ‘sign’


See, told you it sounds cheesy.

I met the love of my life.

I love him more than he will ever understand.

He is the most amazing man.

We are coming up on our 2-year anniversary and I am making a vow to myself to be the best girlfriend I can be. I want to be his support, compassion, cheerleader, best friend and most trusted side-kick. He deserves the best and I vow to take care of him forever. <3





Sunday, January 15, 2012

In a Rut

My job is to take care of my family and myself. No ifs, ands or buts about it. I know I need to put myself first and I really need to learn how to communicate…especailly with the Officer. He cares for me with all of his heart and is concerned when I shut-down and cry. When he asks what is wrong, I respond with “nothing”. I know it hurts him that I don’t tell him the reason I am so down on myself…I would be crushed if something was bothering him and he refused to tell me what was going on. And it is not him at all…it is all me with the communication complex.
Truth is, I have never been talkative and open about my weight. Whether it is at an all-time high or all-time low, it always feels awkward and uncomfortable to even THINK about talking about it with someone else, no matter who they are. I live my days in fear that someone will mention my weight gain or high weight in general. I nit-pick every comment that is made to me and determine if it was weight-related and referenced to me. I remember feeling this way in high school and middle school and it is p.a.r.a.l.y.z.i.n.g.
I waste so much time and energy worrying about the embarrassment and shame of my weight gain and I am exhausted by it. It is so life-consuming that I have been unable to start up and fully commit to any sort of plan to take over my health. Instead, I fail…make excuses…use “I’ll start tomorrow”s…and ultimately quit my plan before it gets off the ground.
I feel like this has caused me to give up on life as well. I don’t play with my beautiful children, we don’t do activites…hell, most days I don’t even leave the house. I am terrified of seeing someone I know…seeing that look on their face of, “What the f*ck did she do to herself??!!”
I go to work,
take the kids to school,
pick the kids up from school,
grocery shop.
I couldn’t tell you the last time I got out of the house for any reason besides the ones I just mentioned. Instead of living my life, I sit and watch endless hours of T.V., check Facebook a million times and spend hours of non-productive blog stalking. I may try and pawn it off as “taking it easy and relaxing on my day off” but in reality…I do it because I have no energy to do anything else.
No wonder why I’m bummed out and in a rut.
All I want to just BUST out of this funk I am in. It is affecting everyone I love and everyone around me. The Officer and my babies deserve a HAPPY, FUN lady/mama of the house! I deserve to be happy for myself! I deserve to achieve my weight loss goals and my life goals as well!!!
How can I light a fire under my own ass?

It’s up to me.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

From Stagnant to Sizzling

Well 11 days into 2012 and so far the consensus for this new year is that 2012 is going to be hoppin'! Honestly, I could not be any happier to hear that because I need it. 2011 was good, don’t get me wrong. My kids are healthy and doing great in kindergarten…my boyfriend is wonderful and amazing, we have jobs and a great home…and I am grateful.

I want more! As selfish as that may sound since I know I have much more than others do…that does not mean I need to be content with my life if I am not 120% happy with it. The things I want to change are mainly with myself because I know once I am happier, everything else will fall into place. If I feel better about myself, my confidence goes up, I am more awesome to be around and that means I won’t chase my kids and boyfriend away.

One of my best presents ((ever!!)) was my Kindle Fire (which I play Angry Birds on 89% of the time)


and I am head-over-heels in love…

I am about half way through “This Year I Will…” and it is a WONDERFUL book!



The chapter that really stuck with me and caught my eye was all about picking just one or two really important things you want to work on…not just a bunch of things that will end up scattering your focus and eventually leading to failure. I’m sure I am not the only person who can make a list of a half million things you want to work on. And I never end up sticking to it…any of it.

I figured I would give it a whirl and just stick with the two most important changes I would love to make to improve my life….

My Heath & Fitness



My Home Organization


I know when I bust my a$$ and shape up, I will be so-so-so much happier with myself, more confident, energetic and unstoppable. The “guilt of the unhealthy” is so life-consuming, some days it is all I think about. From the too-tight jeans and uncomfortable muffin top to the constant desire for a nap, I am done feeling like sh*t. I have wasted a majority of my past 26 years feeling like this…why on Earth would I allow it to continue???

My obsessive desire to organize the crap out of my house. I want to need something and go to the exact spot where it is. I hate the unnecessary stress of not being able to find something (literally just happened today)


(yeah, that is supposed to be my desk. no wonder I am so productive, right?)

I have an enormous amount of school work and artwork from my kiddos that is priceless to me and I have a plan for it. I just haven’t taken any incentive for handling it. I cringe in disgust anytime I passed that desk of mine. It is embarrassing!

What is worse is my kitchen




Ick, Ick, Ick.

Dear Kitchen, You and I will change each other’s lives tomorrow. <3 me

Once I conquer these changes, I will pick something else to work on. I know my health and fitness will be constantly evolving and will need life long, consistent work but will get easier once some good habits replace bad habits.

(One bad habit I have stayed away from since the New Year is fast food…go me!)

Some good habits I am bringing back are…


Smoothie Luv <3


Yoga Luv <3

plus…it’s almost time for a lil Fitnessista Winter Shape-Up 2012!
Talk about perfect timing!


I definitely know I can do it and I know what to do so I have no excuses.


and frankly…


To Do:

*Make Inspiration/Vision Board

*Determine how easy repainting the pantry would be…lol

*Reorganize desk and kitchen cabinets

*Go for a walk and do some yoga


Here’s to kickin some @$$ Smile