Today was an interesting day. Back in the fall of 2011, I broke up with a friend who was at one time, my best friend. She wasn’t there for me when I needed her most and I couldn’t rely on her if a problem came about… when I dialed her number, I wasn’t ever sure if she had “time” for me that day or week. So I ended it. She is the “cool” girl who everyone dies to be friends with and I just saw her as my dear friend…a normal person. I didn’t idealize her and maybe that is where I went wrong. There are certain people in this world who were meant to be worshipped and perhaps she was one of them. I knew a side to her…the “real” person behind all the hype, makeup, hairspray and fake tan..and I became friends with that side. I thought she was a great person but I would never worship anyone…so I didn’t quite understand why people were desperate to be her friend.
I remember times when she really wasn’t there for me… like the time she called me and I was crying because of some drama with my mother and instead of talking to me about it or coming over to help…she told me she would call me back, hung up the phone…and I didn’t hear from her for weeks, possibly even a month. That sticks in my head.
She is the type of person who needs a ‘friend of the day’ She calls you or texts that she misses you so much- lets get together- we should have a girls night and then within 20 minutes of text messages or one phone call later, you won’t hear from her again until you get back on the ‘friend of the day’ roster. No girls nights, no getting together and she gets over the “omg I miss my bestie” REALLY quick. Then she will move on to another friend and another and another…but don’t worry, she will let you know when she has time to be your friend again.
Another time you will hear from her is when she started selling something…whether it be Scentsy or raffle tickets or nutritional supplements etc. Then she will be ALL gung-ho about talking to you and getting together…usually she gets “over” it before your first order even gets delivered.
The last chance was last fall when I started having a medical issue and I was scared shitless. I changed up doctors and had to get some normal start-up blood work and my thyroid levels came back low. I googled my little heart out because I was afraid of everything from thyroid cancer to some sort of random deadly thyroid disease…I asked her if she knew anything about thyroid problems (since we are both in the medical field) and she told me she was…her mom had hers removed and even asked if I wanted her to come to the appointment with me. I told her no because I knew getting my hopes up that she would actually show, was pointless….
It is April 26th, 2012…. I am still waiting for a text or phone call from her asking how I am doing.
I don’t care how busy you are or what you have going on in your life…if your friend needs you, dammit, you better be there! You don’t just sit around and wait for a status update if your friend has an issue whether it be medical, family, work related. You should ALWAYS be there.
About a month or two later, she texted The Officer and said she missed me and yada yada yada…he replied that “usually when a friend has a medical problem, you call and see how they are doing” she told him that “if I wanted to throw away 5 years of friendship over that then fine.”
When he told me that, those words stung like a bitch. They still hurt to this day. It hurts to know that even when you know I am so hurt…you STILL don’t give a shit. She blames me like I am the one throwing away a friendship for some random reason. Uh no, I am sticking up for myself for once and not accepting mediocre treatment from a mediocre friend. If you do NOT have time to be my friend day and night, then I will politely bow out and give you more time to spend with your other 6,097 best friends.
I just hurt knowing that even after 7 months of not talking, she still hasn’t reached out.
Then I struggle with maybe I should reach out, life is short, be nice to all and give endless chances….no, no, no, no!
Life is too short to spend on people who don’t treat you wonderfully and value you!!!!
Life is too short to spend on shittards!
I haven’t seen her since the fall…until yesterday.
By a turn of fate, she ended up in my front yard.
Some poor older gentleman passed out while driving and plowed down the dogwood tree in my front yard. I called 911 and helped him until the ambulance got him packaged up for transport. She was the paramedic and when I saw her walk up and I got a knot in my stomach. We avoided each other like the plague and when I finally got out of his car and back into my house, it hit me that she really, truly did not give a shit about our lost friendship, she didn’t care about me and probably went on about her day just like normal.
I, myself, got nauseas, cried and unblocked her on facebook thinking she would message me or text, SOMETHING.
and 24 hours later…still nothing.
I have been trying to remind myself not to wish for the friendship I once had (when she was there for me and we had some of the best times) but be grateful for the friends I do have…that care about me and check up on me and LOVE me…
I had a friend who was like a bad boyfriend…you know you should break up and never look back but you keep going back for more…and now I am over it.
Sure it hurts and stings a little bit, but I am better off without her in my life. I can spend time and energy on the people who truly care about me and who are always there for me if and when I need them the most!