Thursday, April 26, 2012

Breaking up is hard to do.

Today was an interesting day. Back in the fall of 2011, I broke up with a friend who was at one time, my best friend. She wasn’t there for me when I needed her most and I couldn’t rely on her if a problem came about… when I dialed her number, I wasn’t ever sure if she had “time” for me that day or week. So I ended it. She is the “cool” girl who everyone dies to be friends with and I just saw her as my dear friend…a normal person. I didn’t idealize her and maybe that is where I went wrong. There are certain people in this world who were meant to be worshipped and perhaps she was one of them. I knew a side to her…the “real” person behind all the hype, makeup, hairspray and fake tan..and I became friends with that side. I thought she was a great person but I would never worship anyone…so I didn’t quite understand why people were desperate to be her friend.

I remember times when she really wasn’t there for me… like the time she called me and I was crying because of some drama with my mother and instead of talking to me about it or coming over to help…she told me she would call me back, hung up the phone…and I didn’t hear from her for weeks, possibly even a month. That sticks in my head.

She is the type of person who needs a ‘friend of the day’ She calls you or texts that she misses you so much- lets get together- we should have a girls night and then within 20 minutes of text messages or one phone call later, you won’t hear from her again until you get back on the ‘friend of the day’ roster. No girls nights, no getting together and she gets over the “omg I miss my bestie” REALLY quick. Then she will move on to another friend and another and another…but don’t worry, she will let you know when she has time to be your friend again.

Another time you will hear from her is when she started selling something…whether it be Scentsy or raffle tickets or nutritional supplements etc. Then she will be ALL gung-ho about talking to you and getting together…usually she gets “over” it before your first order even gets delivered.

The last chance was last fall when I started having a medical issue and I was scared shitless. I changed up doctors and had to get some normal start-up blood work and my thyroid levels came back low. I googled my little heart out because I was afraid of everything from thyroid cancer to some sort of random deadly thyroid disease…I asked her if she knew anything about thyroid problems (since we are both in the medical field) and she told me she was…her mom had hers removed and even asked if I wanted her to come to the appointment with me. I told her no because I knew getting my hopes up that she would actually show, was pointless….

It is April 26th, 2012…. I am still waiting for a text or phone call from her asking how I am doing.

I don’t care how busy you are or what you have going on in your life…if your friend needs you, dammit, you better be there! You don’t just sit around and wait for a status update if your friend has an issue whether it be medical, family, work related. You should ALWAYS be there.

About a month or two later, she texted The Officer and said she missed me and yada yada yada…he replied that “usually when a friend has a medical problem, you call and see how they are doing”  she told him that “if I wanted to throw away 5 years of friendship over that then fine.”

When he told me that, those words stung like a bitch. They still hurt to this day. It hurts to know that even when you know I am so hurt…you STILL don’t give  a shit. She blames me like I am the one throwing away a friendship for some random reason. Uh no, I am sticking up for myself for once and not accepting mediocre treatment from a mediocre friend. If you do NOT have time to be my friend day and night, then I will politely bow out and give you more time to spend with your other 6,097 best friends.

I just hurt knowing that even after 7 months of not talking, she still hasn’t reached out.

Then I struggle with maybe I should reach out, life is short, be nice to all and give endless chances….no, no, no, no!

Life is too short to spend on people who don’t treat you wonderfully and value you!!!!

Life is too short to spend on shittards!

I haven’t seen her since the fall…until yesterday.

By a turn of fate, she ended up in my front yard.

Some poor older gentleman passed out while driving and plowed down the dogwood tree in my front yard. I called 911 and helped him until the ambulance got him packaged up for transport. She was the paramedic and when I saw her walk up and I got a knot in my stomach. We avoided each other like the plague and when I finally got out of his car and back into my house, it hit me that she really, truly did not give a shit about our lost friendship, she didn’t care about me and probably went on about her day just like normal.

I,  myself, got nauseas, cried and unblocked her on facebook thinking she would message me or text, SOMETHING.

and 24 hours later…still nothing.

I have been trying to remind myself not to wish for the friendship I once had (when she was there for me and we had some of the best times) but be grateful for the friends I do have…that care about me and check up on me and LOVE me…

I had a friend who was like a bad boyfriend…you know you should break up and never look back but you keep going back for more…and now I am over it.

Sure it hurts and stings a little bit, but I am better off without her in my life. I can spend time and energy on the people who truly care about me and who are always there for me if and when I need them the most!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Bun Update and Negativity

Everyone has uttered the words, “I don’t want to jinx it.” at one point or another.

I have said or thought those words several times since I found out we are expecting BabyShines. Against all odds, I got pregnant and so far, so good. I had the IUD removed, no bleeding or crazy cramping…my hcG levels rose appropriately last week, they doubled in fact. I had an ultrasound done at 5 weeks which is really early but they had to check the placement of the IUD and make sure the pregnancy was not in the tube.

My doctor did not see anything in the gestational sac quite yet which he said was normal since the baby itself would only be the since of a poppy seed.


At 4 weeks, your baby, now known as a blastocyst, is practically microscopic -- a teeny ball of cells. She's busy settling into her new home (your uterus), prepping for all the crucial development she'll be doing over the next six weeks.

(courtesy of *the best pregnancy website EVER*

As of today, I am 6 weeks 3 days Smile


Obviously, she's growing like crazy!

She's also circulating blood with her increasingly more sophisticated circulatory system.

She's about to get cuter too, since she's starting to sprout a nose, eyes, ears, chin and cheeks.

And she might even be wiggling her (paddle-like) hands and feet.

again, courtesy of Smile

I have experienced every single “first trimester” symptom known…

nausea, vomiting, the nose of a hunting dog, dizziness, extremely tired, I pee about 45 times a day, sore boobies and the emotions of a hot mess pregnant woman.

But it is all worth it. To distract myself, I have been looking at baby gear ala Target, Babies R Us and Amazon. Some people say “isn’t it too early to get all excited?”

Well please allow me to put that on the


I don’t think I could ever possibly even consider asking someone that. It just implies that something horrible could go wrong…as if that thought never crossed her mind. It just brings it all back up and makes her worry even more. Not to sound selfish but when you come across a pregnant woman, make it your goal to make her life easier at that present time, make her feel important…make her feel like she is working on something incredible. Because she is.

Winking smile

Another thing that annoys me (please excuse my hormones but I don’t think I am being out of line here) is when someone tells me it is “too soon” for something…

On St. Patrick’s Day I was working and got a sudden craving for a Shamrock Shake *heaven*


(p.s. I just found the recipe online for those bad johnnies Winking smile)

anyways…so I was talking about it and one of my co-workers asked, “Isn’t it a little soon for all these cravings?” Ugh pretty sure pregnant = pregnant. And a ‘little bit’ pregnant means the same symptoms as ‘a lot a bit’ pregnant. Worst of all, it came out a woman’s mouth who has children of her own. Ugh people just don’t think!

Put that on the “THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO A PREGNANT WOMAN” list as well!

I just made me feel like I ‘wasn’t pregnant enough’ to having any cravings or symptoms or to even talk about it.

Crazy? Probably…but I do respect the fact that at least I am confirming what I will NEVER say to a pregnant woman I come across…I am learning about the person I don’t want to become I guess.

Be back for more soon!


Monday, March 12, 2012

Best Body Bootcamp: Week 2

Wow, has it really been a week already?

This Best Body Bootcamp is starting Week 2 this morning and I am psyched. Not only because the support also is amazing but because I have a whole new fitness outlook.

As I wrote before, I am newly expecting and will no longer be focusing on losing weight. Instead, I will focus on whole nutrition, healthy portions, lots of water and getting my body as healthy as possible for baby. Not only is that great for mom and baby, but it means mama will have an easier time getting into shape after delivery!

My BBC goals for the week are:

#1- Have at least one smoothie and one salad a day

#2- Reduce and eliminate diet soda from my diet

I could go ‘cold turkey’ but the caffeine headache alone will bug me enough to engage in my old habits.

Yesterday the weather was amazing so we went out for a walk to and through the local park. It was wonderful to get some cardio in and shake my legs out!!! I forgot how much I love the great outdoors (before the bugs come out!)

Then we loaded the kids up and went to the store for a few groceries. (pics and meals to follow, along with my first baby purchase!)

On today’s agenda:

*Call Dr!!



*Dream a little

Winking smile




How cute is that??!!

Be back later!!

<3 Morgan

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Excited and Scared

Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I have had a slew of emotions.

Fear that something will go wrong, especially so early on.

Excitement of a new little miracle will be joining our family.

Precautious not to let my heart develop a bond with the uncertainty.

Blessed because against the odds of getting pregnant using an IUD (.06% chance)…

We got pregnant.

Am I the silly, giddy one who was looking up baby gear from the first night I found out…


I found myself excited to look and then my head would catch up with me…

“Make sure everything is okay before you fall in the love with the idea of a new baby”

It is too late because I fell in love the very first night. I am worried, yes, how can I not be? When I first found out I was pregnant with my 6 year old twins <3 I was 20 years old, young and dumb…and basically unaware of what could go wrong. I wasn’t instantly attached to my pregnancy…it took awhile to kick in.

This time around is completely different. I am 27, mature, in a loving and wonderful relationship with the man who will one day be my hubby and I want nothing more than to have his baby, our baby <3

Planned or not, God makes the decisions…that is for sure Smile

I can’t waste time worrying about what I cannot control and until I go to the Dr.s, I won’t know anything for sure. For now, I hope and pray that everything goes great, the baby latched on to the right area, the IUD comes out without a problem and we have a healthy, new baby this November <3

Time to saving as much money as possible, pray as hard as possible and take care of myself the best I can <3

<3 Morgan



Saturday, March 10, 2012

Nerve-racking is…

Being worried that at this point in time…I might be pregnant.
True story.
My loving boyfriend is at the grocery store right now (9pm, he is wonderful) picking up a Clearblue.
I realized I was late while we were laying in bed. My lady-time has been all out of whack since having my kids and then getting my copper IUD in place last year. I checked my lady-calendar on my Kindle Fire (loveit) I figured if you by slight chance got pregnant with the IUD, you would automatically need an abortion since you have a piece of metal in what is supposed to be your embryo’s home. Well apparently if you Google “pregnant with paragard IUD” you find a bunch of other women who also got pregnant while using a very reliable birth control.
Better than anything (besides absintence, I know)
One million questions pop into my head as I sit here chugging water out of my Nalgene bottle…
Will the baby be okay if I actually am pregnant?
Could it be an ectopic pregnancy?
What will happen if they take the IUD out?
What will happen if they leave the IUD in?
My questions are not going to be answered today as of course it is the weekend and none of my doctors are open until Monday.

I have to leave it in God’s hands because I have faith that this will all be okay.
And because God always works in mysterious ways…
Yes x 2…
and praying for the best Smile
Shhhhhh….we are keeping this top-secret for now.
At least (if all works out okay) I can join the Elite group of pregnant blog-ettes
(as if I am even worthy of being in their same blogger status category)
Now that this is real, I hope and pray that it is true and healthy and there will be no complications…
“BabyShines” coming soon, November 12, 2012 <3

Thursday, March 8, 2012

BBF Personal Training Results: Week 1

Good Morning lovlies Smile

7 inches lost.

I have no idea where it went Winking smile 

I am so excited right now!!!

My weight didn’t go down (actually +3lbs) but I blame it on too much salt and processed foods…too much food basically.

There is nothing like great results to fire a girl up even more and kickstart Week 2 and it is great to read everyone’s nice, motivational comments and progress on the Best Body Bootcamp FB page.

Just a quick update because I was pumped Smile

I am off to clean mi casa before heading out for my FIRST WORKOUT OF WEEK 2!!!


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Day of Rest–BBC Day 3

Ahhh….a day of rest. Kind of.

I have to work at 2pm but until then I’ll be catching up on the blog world and my fellow bootcampers Smile 

Today is technically Day 3 for the Best Body Bootcamp but Day 7 for my personal training plan.

My first week went really, really well. I didn’t miss a single workout or a minute of cardio as per my plan. My eating however, has been sub-par to say the least!

I went grocery shopping for a few necessities…


I may or may not have enjoyed one of these bad boys on the way home Winking smile


Totally AMAZINGLY mouth-watering!


Some Soft Wraps (so fluffy and soft!) Pita Pockets and Spinach Dip.

I bought this on a whim in hopes to make a delish pita with spinach, provolone cheese and this spinach dip…


Silly me didn’t read the ingredients before I got home.


Sorry for the blurry pic and lack of being able to actually read anything of the ingredients but I know just from looking at the length that it has WAY too much crap in it!

Ugh, you win some, you lose some.


Can you tell I am super pumped for my upcoming anniversary gift from the Officer?


Dear Future Keurig Machine,

I cannot wait to use you Winking smile 

<3 me

I have until the end of April to get my present since our anniversary isn’t until April 23rd (2 years baby!!!!) so I have some time to wait…until then, I will just dream of chocolate coffee!

We do have a Keurig at work (which is where I fell in love with coffee, 12 hour shifts are sometimes exhausting!) so I can use them until I get my own machine.

Well, I’m off to finish up some laundry and get ready for work!

Have a wonderful day Smile